Storytelling show to be held during National Family Caregivers Month in November

Caregiving has many faces. It can be a teenage or adult child caring for the parent, a partner or spouse caring for their loved one, a grandparent caring for a grandchild, and so on.  Each situation is different, bringing its own unique challenges. 

Nancy remembers the exact moment her role as daughter shifted into something more. Her elderly mother, once so strong, was now frail and struggling. As Nancy helped her bathe, she realized their relationship had transformed — she was no longer just the daughter, she was the caregiver.

“After watching her struggle to bathe herself, I stepped in and bathed her,” Nancy says. “It was at that moment that I became fully aware that she was the child who needed me, and I was the adult who needed to care for her. It had all turned around.”

This was also the moment Nancy became a family caregiver.

“Each bath became a loving ritual, and I began to grieve for my mother. She died a year later,” Nancy said, “and I was so grateful that I had had those moments with her. It made it easier to let her go.”

Nancy was experiencing a different kind of loss, a loss with no name.  Ambiguous loss, a term coined by Pauline Boss, can be overwhelming, confusing and exhausting.  It creates a type of loss, with no finality or official end, because the person you love is physically present, but emotionally and/or mentally absent.

Nancy will be among five people from the community sharing their personal stories 6-7 p.m. on Nov. 6 at Camarillo Public Library, 4101 Las Posas Road, as part of Camarillo Health Care District’s event, “Stories from the Heart: Inspiring Tales of Life, Love and Learning.” The show is a live version of the District’s podcast by the same name and is being held during National Family Caregivers Month.

Nancy’s husband, Greg, is also sharing a personal story about shame and secrets, love and loss, and relationships lost and restored. “I can only wish that more people would share their stories, because opening up about how we have been blessed and how we have been challenged, about what we have suffered and how we have survived – and sometimes triumphed – can lead to deeper bonds …” he said.

Adriana will speak about the relationship she had with her mother and a secret discovered during her mother’s illness.  “My mother was the epitome of resilience, a single mother raising three kids. Being hardworking, she expected nothing less than that from her children,” Adriana recalls.

When her mother received a cancer diagnosis, their relationship changed. “Because we knew we had limited time left, we made the most of it,” she said.

And now Adriana has a new perspective about love and loss. “For years, I thought, ‘What’s the point of loving so much if it just meant we eventually were going to lose them?’ I’ve since learned that love and loss go hand in hand – one cannot exist without the other.

“Loving someone always comes with a vulnerability; I consider it a strength now, not a weakness. To love someone so much and to receive that love in return with respect and loyalty is a gift.”

Susan, a returning storyteller, will talk about her creative approach to convincing her dad to get his documents organized related to his estate and end-of-life wishes.

She said: “I was looking at the boxes next to his bedroom wall, floor to ceiling, corner to corner, and I said, ‘Dad, do you even know what’s in those boxes? He replied, ‘Not exactly.’”

So, Susan suggested they do a “fake death rehearsal” of the time leading up to his eventual passing. “I told him, ‘We’ll pretend that in two weeks’ time, you will be dead. By then, you will have quickly shuffled through the boxes and pulled out all your critical papers and put them all in one place.’”

Filled with hijinks and humorous moments shared with her dad, Susan’s story ultimately emphasizes the need to have those important conversations in advance with our loved ones about their final wishes and location of their documents, credit cards, passwords and more.

“I developed a greater appreciation for Dad and his willingness to tackle an otherwise difficult topic,” Susan said. “He did it with so much creativity and panache that he inspired me to not take life so seriously.”

Carol’s story, “Dreams Do Come True,” is about her journey in creating a board game that helps players develop respect and empathy for people with disabilities. She will share her survival story, the challenges she faced while growing up, and the optimism that propelled her forward as she focused on her capabilities, not disabilities.

“I hope to convey (in my story) the importance of perseverance and attaining a goal,” she said. “Also, the importance of being optimistic.”

The District is elevating these stories and honoring a broad range of personal experiences from our neighbors to deepen connections and create empathy and dialogue around the topics of health, caregiving and the overall human experience.

“By sharing my story, I think it makes it easier for anyone who is dealing with an aging parent. Maybe my story will make it easier for those who need to know they are not alone,” Nancy said.

The show will be emceed by the District’s Community Services Manager, Michelle Rogers, formerly with USA TODAY’s Storytellers Project. Advanced registration is required for this free event by calling 805-388-1952.

Tune In

Subscribe to our podcast, “Stories from the Heart: Inspiring Tale of Life, Love and Learning,” on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, SoundCloud, YouTube or listen on the District’s website, camhealth.com.